My journey with creating systems began long before I ever realized. As a child, I was always working the family schedules to make sure I could get to every activity on my agenda. As a teenager (and let’s be honest, to this day) I reorganize my mom’s fridge every chance I get. In college, I juggled two sports, two majors, a job, and volunteer work. My brains natural tendency to organize inventories, systems, processes, lists, errands, tasks, teams, money, etc. has allowed me to tackle more of the world than seems possible. While often at the expense of my mental health, my ability to constantly cram more in to an already overflowing schedule inevitably resulted in needing my life to function as smoothly as possible with as little interruption as possible. As far back as I can remember everything in my life has been color coded, in alphabetical order, with labels upon labels upon labels on anything and everything.

Over time, I have come far too intimate with the dark side of efficiency. A false sense of control that stems not from actual balance, but from overly functional burnout. I have had to learn that the filter through whether I say yes or no to something cannot be merely if there is space on my calendar. I can always MAKE space. I am confident that there is nothing I cannot rearrange or systemize to “work”. But the result is that I am overcommitted to things I don’t actually want to do, simply because I could. Perhaps it isn’t as big of a surprise to you as it was to me, but could and should are two very different things when it comes to structuring your life.

So, my friend, here is what I want you to do. Before you jump into creating systems for all of the things that bog you down or feel like there is an “easier way”, I want you to do two things for me:

1) Make a list. Oh, how I LOVE a good list. Make a list of all the things you do, are committed to, the frequency, and a scale of enjoyment from 1-10.

Next, I want you to run through this list and categorize it into three subgroups:

1. absolutely necessary (grocery shopping, laundry, sleeping..),

2. desirable (massages, piano lessons, road trips…), and

3. seasonal non-negotiables (kids’ tutoring, family dinners, gardening…).

These non-negotiables are NOT necessaries, however, they are core value items that you wish to prioritize in THIS season of your life. For the last few years baking sourdough was a big non-negotiable for me. It was something that gave my creative baker brain a huge sense of accomplishment, checked my “provide home cooked meals for my kids” box, and served as a therapeutic release. However today, I have had to make peace with letting my starter go so that I could prioritize summer travel experiences with my kids. This doesn’t mean I’ll never bake bread again, but the stress of constantly worry about my jar of mush back home while trying to experience new parts of the country with my family is just not worth it right now. And that’s okay. I’m still a baker. I am still feeding my kids well.

Task 2) I want you to create a dream list. If you could pick and choose the things that you would do every day, what would that list look like?

Do you love cooking but hate grocery shopping? Do you love mowing the lawn but you can’t stand weeding the garden? Do you love that your kids are involved in extracurriculars but you’d prefer not to sit outside and get eaten alive by mosquitos on the side of the baseball field? Do you love reading? Golfing? Getting your nails done? Hiking? Biking? Roller blading? How do you feel about naps? Bubble baths? Date nights?

Make a list of all the things you WANT to be regular in your life, rank them on a scale of 1-10 of importance, and identify a frequency.

For me, I love to have my nails done, but I can do it myself 90% of the time. Maybe I build in a salon trip once every 6 months for a guilt free pampering. I also love to golf with my friends, but my ability to carve out 4+ hours to do this is rare. Maybe I can find two times a quarter for a girls outing and I can adjust the priority to a game of 9 holes a porch wine night every other time to stay sharp on my game but not feel obligated to play if I just need to focus on intentional conversations with my besties.

I like to think of this exercise as the part of the puzzle where we flip over all the pieces. It is WAY easier to start to organizing the picture if we can see what is on each piece! So lay it all out there. Show me what we are working with. And then, let’s jump right in to making a game plan!